When your life is blessed with children one of the givens are tears...they happen; we all know it. From boo-boos, to bullies, to saying goodbye there will be tears involved along the way.
When you are blessed with children that come have a traumatic past those tears can come from a different place than most children. Those tears can come from a place that lies deep inside where fear rules.
While our little sunshine has come a ~LONG~ way in the nearly 2 yrs he's been here he still can get stuck in that place of fear. Anything can trigger it really and we know most of those triggers, however, I was surprised at the latest incident...yet when I really think about it I understand the connection.
Yet, when you have attachment, PTSD and anxiety issues you lack the self-esteem to truly revel in that joy. He quickly retreated from the celebration because he lacked the self-esteem to believe he deserved to be there....in the ~winners circle~. In a way he was punishing himself.
I truly hesitate and mull over these types of posts. They are the nitty-gritty of our life, a skeleton in the closet so to speak. We don't like to flash our children's insecurities for the world to see, yet, as with other very personal information sometimes it blesses too many folks to not post it.
Moments after realizing the reason for his fears I was able to help him process his feelings....but this is what RAD looks like at hits height.
The hunched back means at that moment he had no self-esteem. It breaks my heart when he retreats to this place of fear.
If I ever tell you that he can't do something, go somewhere, see a certain movie, or go with you to a certain place this is why. I get to pick up the pieces and kiss and hug the fear out of him. It is an exhausting job sometimes and I am not complaining...merely asking folks to be considerate because more oft then not they are not very educated regarding emotional special needs.
Sunshine, I love you and I am SOOO proud of you! You have worked so hard to learn to read, to do 1st grade math, to excel the way you do. You have worked so hard to control your fear and not let it control you.
Kid, you've earned being in the winners circle!
Revel in it!