Tuesday, April 9, 2013

~*Healing is a Process: Part 1*~

In the beginning Dalton grieved the hardest, the loudest, the longest; completely rejecting me for weeks.  It hurt to not be able to get close to him those first few weeks.

Its like he's always been here.  
He is firmly attached, his love language is service and he is always helping...to the point of shoving others to get there first! (We're working on that!)  He is easily influenced by the behaviors around him. If the others are acting out their frustrations, fears, anger in a negative way, he will often follow their lead and act out his feelings, too. He can still get overwhelmed in public situations and does NOT like strangers touching him (hugs, handshakes, etc) but he's getting better with his anxieties.

On the flip side if he is surrounded by patient loving kindness, guess what he's going to be modeling? We're working very very hard on keeping that as the consistent theme in our home.  

Each child heals differently and they grieve differently and at different rates.  I now tell you about Analina's experience, thus far, and not to scare anyone but to be truthful...to educate others who come after us.
This was home just a few days...I can't stand this type of silliness, its not HER, its fake.

Analina giggled a lot in China....she would laugh loudly near hysterics, at times...That raised a flag in my brain.  The laughter came too easily and appeared very superficial.  I was right...it was a cover.  

Analina hid her insecurities with laughter, her sweet smile, and cuteness.  Underneath the show was a little girl with very little self-confidence and many insecurities.  
As cute as it might appear its still fakey-fake for the camera...

She spent several days hitting, which was at an all time high, mixed with biting, kicking and saying mean things...One night she started telling me every 2 minutes, (I timed it) for an hour, that she loved me and then told me to tell her I loved her back.  Every two minutes for an hour! The previous two hours she'd been repeatedly hitting...every two minutes for two hours (I KID YOU NOT!).   
Then the floodgates opened and the tears started.
Every time I left the room she cried.  
The next morning she was able to be a little more clear in what she needed...she broke down in tears every time I left the room and every time she would say one word, "Mama".  

Our sweet girl was finally processing her grief.  She gets extremely jealous of the others, having never had a Mother and Father that she needed to share.

To help her we are holding her more, giving her more individual attention, encouraging her to put her feelings to words, encouraging her to COME to us, as opposed to separating herself from the family.  We're ignoring some behaviors entirely...which is hard to do but we give those behaviors less attention then catch her in a sweet moment and praise *that* behavior up.  

Please pray for our sweet girl.  She can get so sad and upset and she needs more time to heal.  We're so blessed to see her blossom and get to know the real Analina...not the superficial one!

I will tell you in the next blog post about how this has affected me. As a mother, as a wife, as a friend and as a daughter.       

Isaiah 63:7

Praise and Prayer

I will tell of the kindnesses of the Lord,
    the deeds for which he is to be praised,
    according to all the Lord has done for us—
yes, the many good things
    he has done for Israel,
    according to his compassion and many kindnesses.

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